I was outside with the kids when I noticed that Bruiser had his hands deep down the back of his diaper. When I pulled them out, they were covered in gooey brownness. Bleczh! Scooped Bruiser up, ran him inside, tossed him on the changing table, and then noticed it. Gooey brownness around his mouth. I think I threw up a little in my mouth. Why is it that boys are into all things messy and gross?
I think back to the time I accidentally swallowed raw sausage… I gulped down a straight shot of vinegar and chased it with vodka to kill the bacteria. What do you think is worse for a baby’s tummy? Diaper mess or vodka? I think it’s a toss-up. (No worries, I’m not actually going to risk alcohol poisoning!)
It would be nice if that was the end of the story. But no. Half an hour later I was sitting in the kitchen, having a conversation with Bean about her new book from the library, when Bruiser wandered in, said “Loo!” (which is Bruiser for Look!) and showed me his hands. This time they were 100% coated in stinky brown goo. It looked like he’d been squishing mudpies through his fingers. (Description over the top?) I scooped him up (this time holding him at arm’s length) and tossed him again on the changing table. Cleaned his hands, thankful that there was no trace of this on his face, and then pulled off his diaper and found it… CLEAN!
The source of the gooeyness was on the back porch where my brother’s dog had had an accident (not unsimilar to what will forever be remembered as ‘the corndog incident,’ of which we will not speak). And just as I found the mess, Little Man was trudging through in his socks, oblivious to what was now coating his socks and the hem of his jeans.
I won’t go into details of it, but that wasn’t quite the end of if. Dinner plans have been put off – clean up kind of ran into my meal-prep time. We’ll be feasting on PB&Js tonight. I am happy to report that the dog seems to be feeling better now, and the mess is gone. Now, if I can just get that boy to keep his hands where they should be.
Update, 6:20AM the next morning: The incident was repeated overnight, this time on the carpet. Thankfully, I discovered it before Bruiser did.