That Little Man wants to play with Bean’s Barbie, and insists on her being naked?

If you think this looks good, you should taste it. I made 2 of them. One for some girlfriends who were coming over and one for the fam. But wouldn’t you know it… The day the girls were coming we were hit with a horrible storm (my house was actually hit by lightning) and only 2 of the 6 came. Do you know what that means? More pie for us!

I made these last week and we finished off the second pie last night. The recipe’s here. It’s the pretzel crust that makes it. Oh, and the peanut butter mixed with cream cheese in the pie itself. Oh, and the layer of Snickers. And I added a drizzle of caramel ice cream topping along with the melted chocolate on top. Are you drooling yet? Mmm…

For the first time they’ve asked for a pet. I can just see it. (Imagine wavy dream sequence)

It starts innocently enough, a trip to petsmart for a goldfish and fish bowl. But we can’t resist the cute little aqueous play park for our new friend. Before long Goldy needs a fishy friend. And then 2. And then more friends of the non-gold variety. As our fishies pass on to the fishy netherworld we conduct hours upon hours of research to find which fish have the longest lifespan, are hardiest, and bring the most spectator-fun. 50 cent goldfish make way for $400 rare species with a multiplicity of colors and abilities. Surely we need a playscape complete with live starfish, pearl weilding oysters, and some type of Aquarium-worthy super water filtration contraption that’s synchronized to our home’s wi-fi network and satellite uplinked. Before long we have a giant fish tank built into the wall complete with every species of tropical fun-filled fish we can find at local specialty fish stores and we’re making major life decisions based on the health and well-being of what started as one unassuming goldfish.

Note to self: Sock puppets make great kid companions.

Remember those morning exercises from George Orwell’s 1984? Those bastions of communism? My father in law does them every morning on my back deck. And my mother in law tries to teach them to Bean. I’m sure they’re really very healthy, I just can’t get over the Orwellian imagery.

I listened as hubbs taught his mom how to make microwave popcorn. It never seemed so complicated before. And she expressed awe in the technology.

My father-in-law seriously talking about how we should all change our religion and language, because Hebrews are all wise and rich.

My mother-in-law being paranoid about the neighbor’s 12-year-old son - “What’s he doing outside?!?” (as he walks home after the school bus drops him off)

My kids asking me to pretend to be their grandmother, with a continuous stream of “Be careful! Be careful! Slow down! Slow down!” coming out of her mouth (in another language, of course).

Answering the phone in my home and having to dig rusty Russian out of the recesses of my brain.

Trying to explain the importance of keeping a well-kept lawn in American suburbs, as well as the neighborhood deed restrictions, to someone whose concept of land involves pure farmland space.

Listening to my father-in-law, a neurologist telling me that Little Man’s medication dosage should be adjusted based on the fullness of the moon.

Having to convince the grandparents that the sand and water table on the back deck really isn’t a death trap - in spite of the fact that sand could actually get in someone’s eyes.

Seeing as how I run my own company now and do things like hire and fire staff, I’ve learned a little bit about what works and what doesn’t work when applying for a job. Sure, there are tons of books out there on the subject, but this is what the books don’t tell you. (Maybe because it’s considered general knowledge?)

So, should you find yourself in that stressful position of seeking employment, here are my pointers - just from my experience over the last week:

• Any time you’re on the phone - either with a person from the company or just leaving a voice mail - speak clearly. It’s important that they at least understand your name and phone number.
• Remove that loud rap song from your answering machine message and actually say something (again, clearly), just in case they do call you back.
• Leave 2 messages at most. And certainly not more than 6.
• When you leave messages, consider not swearing, cursing, or calling the company or its representatives words that most sailors would by too shy to use.
• When granted an interview with said company, show up. It seems self-explanatory, but apparently it needs to be said.
• Dress appropriately. A swim suit is generally not considered interview attire.
• Don’t threaten the interviewer.
• Try not to walk in with a ring of cigarette smoke still hovering around you.
• Think about smiling.
• Don’t bring your kids. If you do bring them, don’t ask them to help you answer interview questions. Especially if they’re under the age of 3.
• Flat-out lying generally disqualifies you for most jobs.
• Don’t answer your cell phone in the middle of an interview.
• Don’t volunteer information about how often you’ve been fired from jobs. Yes, it’s helpful to the employer, but perhaps doesn’t show off your best traits.
• A “Mwa-ha-ha-ha-hah” laugh can be entertaining, but there’s a time and place for everything, and an interview isn’t quite the place for it.

I thought all these things were common sense, but apparently I was mistaken. So, tell your friends. Help spread the word.

(Oh, and Kathy dear, don’t cut your finger tips off… There’s grace for that, but it does keep you out of commission for a while. Sure, there’s plenty of sympathy for you, but wouldn’t a paycheck be more helpful?)

That’s how many showed up. Many more than I thought, and it comes out to about 45%. I can handle 10.

4: Number of days I have to find and train new employees

2: Hours I spent on the phone today scheduling interviews

22: Interviews I have scheduled for tomorrow afternoon

4: Number of people I expect will actually show up

5: Interviews I had scheduled for yesterday

0: Number who showed up

5.8: Percentage of people in Georgia who are unemployed (the highest it’s ever been in recorded history, and currently higher than the national average)

I think I know why it’s so high. Come on, people! Woody Allen said that 80% of success is just showing up.

Running a business and managing staff is a lot harder than I expected.

How’s a girl supposed to make healthy choices when ice cream is cheaper than milk???

Well, class #3 went better than expected. Not only did Bean walk out happy, but she said the teacher didn’t yell, and when we got home she was able to show us first position, second position, and plie. I think I’ll just back off. I’ll keep talking to her about handling tough situations, but I’ll let her take this one herself. When fall comes though, I’ll be looking for a new ballet school.

I could just eat him up! Especially when says, “When I grow up, I wanna be a fire fighter!”