…Little Man broke my toe 2 days ago? Well, maybe broke is a little bit dramatic. But it was several hours before I was able to move it. And I still can’t put shoes on because my darn foot is so stinkin’ swollen! (So maybe it really is broken? And I’m not being a wimp about this?)

We’re teaching him not to throw. But somewhere along the line my poor, unsuspecting (and innocent) toe became a casualty. Of the sippy cup. Thrown in excitement. On my toe.

This whole teaching him not to throw thing is hard. He stops his hand mid-air if I catch him in time to tell him no, looks at me, looks at what’s in his hand, and nonchalantly drops it on the floor and moves on. But if I’m not looking, anyone in a 10-foot radius better watch out for the sake of their toes (and noses and fingers and knees and more delicate parts too).

C’mon folks - shoot me some ideas. How do you teach a 19-month old not to throw things?

Or that’s how it seems.

There’s something odd about it. She’s in time-out because she screamed for an entire 10 minutes in the car (because I couldn’t reach the sippy cup she dropped on the floor). Her response to time out for screaming: testing various frequencies of pitch and volume to see if she can break all the windows in the house with a high-pitched screech.

I’d rather be outside.  This time it really does hurt me more than it hurts her.

I’ve noticed that over the last week Little Man (18 months old) has been growing in his ‘assertiveness.’ He has his own ideas about what should happen when, and how, and where. And if he doesn’t get his way a small temper tantrum ensues. I can call it small because I’ve seen big temper tantrums - thanks to Bean. (And, in fact, hers started at about 19 months, so I think it has a lot to do with the age).

But he’s also started playing one of Bean’s games. She likes to run up to people (and kids) and kind of crash into them. Now, Bean is by far the smallest in any group of kids her age. So generally what happens is she runs into another child from her playgroup, Sunday school, or preschool, and they look down and giggle at the little bundle of joy that just bounced off them and fell to the floor. Yes, even though she’s the one instigated and she’s the one with the momentum, she’s also the one who ends up on the floor. But Little Man is a bit different. He’s taken on the tactic with Bean, and he knocks her down. Even though they’re 19 months apart there’s only 4 pounds difference between them. So he knocks her over. And thinks it’s a game. We’re trying to nip that in the bud.

And he’s started hitting things. Usually just pieces of furniture or the floor - sometimes with his hand, sometimes with a toy. And throwing things. He does that a lot. He’s had a couple of near misses with people and kids. And we’re trying to nip that in the bud too. He’s not a fan of time-outs or having things taken away from him, so hopefully we won’t have to go beyond that for now.

But this morning, he hit Bean in the face with a toy car. So he lost the car. And he went to time out. And he a stern rebuke. I don’t know what to do about it - I never had this problem with Bean. She doesn’t have an assertive bone in her. So this is new territory for me. I hate that Bean is now afraid of him though. I suppose it’ll pass in time.

I grew up hating chores. They were always a punishment and always talked about in negative terms in the house. Still to this day I see dusting, vacuuming, washing dishes - as negative chores that should be hated.

Somehow though, I got Bean (3 yrs old) to think of doing the laundry as fun. So she helps me separate darks from lights, put them in the wash, move them from the washer to dryer, remove them from the dryer, and separate the clean clothes into categories (socks, shirts, or Little Man’s, Bean’s, Mama’s… you get the point). I’ve done the same thing with setting the table and clearing it after a meal. She ‘graduates’ to where she’s able to do specific ‘tasks’ (not chores) and be Mama’s Big Helper.

Hopefully this will grow in her a sense of responsibility - that her contribution is important; and a love for keeping things in order and helping others. I haven’t used cleaning as a punishment - except when she colors on the wall. Then she has to help clean because she made the mess. But it’s all in the wording, isn’t it? There’s a big difference between saying “you made the mess, now you have to clean it up.” and “You know that crayons are for paper. Sit in the naughty seat until the timer goes off. Then let’s clean this up together!”

So, I hope to keep cleaning as a privilege in my house. Because hey, once my kids are old enough to do it all, they’ll want to clean and I won’t have to! Right? For more Works for Me tips, head over to Shannon’s at Rocks in My Dryer.

I’ve come to a point in my parenting where the sheer 3-ness grates on my nerves. The whining. The refusing to share. The tantrums. And we all know that tantrums love an audience.

I’ve discovered a new tactic and I LOVE it! It only works at home, unfortunately. I haven’t found a trick yet to use when we’re out. But here it is… When she starts whining, or refuses to share, or is reveling in her 3-ness,  I send her to room. I don’t take her there, or call it time out or the naughty seat. I just tell her to go to her room - until she’s ready to share / stop whining / etc. It’s amazing. She sulks off to her room, disappears behind a closed door for a minute or two, then comes out smiling and announces, “Okay, I’m ready!”

(I seem to remember my mother doing something like this to me… Only it was phrased differently - “don’t come out until…” I prefer the positive-ness of “please come join us as soon as you’re ready to…”)

So, a couple weeks ago I went to a seminar on discipline at Perimeter. I promised to tell you (all 4 of you) about the things I learned there, and I just know you’ve been on the edge of your seat waiting. So here it is…  There were three things that stuck out as overriding principles.

1. Consistency. “We do not tolerate …x…” So, if you do x, then y will happen. Every time. If you show disrespect at dinner, you will leave the table.
2. Planning. If you were building a house, you’d meet with an architect, a design team, you’d plan everything - budgetwise, timewise - down to the knobs on the faucet. Raising children requires even more planning. And discipline is specific to each family and each child. What works for one won’t necessarily work for another. And that is why you have to plan consequences for each child.
3. Effective discipline is painful - it hurts in some way or another. You have to figure out the line for each child and not cross that line, but if the discipline isn’t harsh in some way, it won’t teach a lasting lesson. By painful, I’m not talking about cigarette burn painful or anything worthy of calling DFCS - just something that causes enough discomfort that your child will remember it.

That said, what are some creative ways to discipline kids? I’d love to hear from you on this. Here are some ideas I picked up at the seminar, and a few more from my friends who I’ve been talking this over with.

• Teenager - take the door off the hinges. That’s right. Remove the door from their room. Nobody likes to live in a fishbowl.
• For a child who quits things - watch a new movie (or TV show) with them, turn it off, take the DVD, and leave the room 10 minutes before the end. “Well, it was almost over. What does it matter if we finish it?” Basically, turn their ‘logic’ back on them.
• Tickets on the fridge - each child has 4 ‘tickets’ on the fridge. Every time they misbehave a ticket is removed. At the end of the week whoever still has at least one ticket on the fridge gets to go with mom to …(where ever). Anyone who doesn’t have any tickets has to stay home / stay at a neighbor’s / etc.
• Teenager - manual labor. See that bush in the yard? Dig it up and move it to the other side of the yard. Oops! I liked it better where it was. Move it back. Or, here’s a toothbrush and some soap - clean the grout in the shower.
• Younger kids - colored popsicle sticks = TV time for each child. 1 stick = 1/2 hour and each child gets 4 (or however many you decide) each week. They can use them as they wish, but you can also take away a stick for misbehavior.
• Punishment for lying or failing to admit fault (for kids who are old enough to read) - write a note on the fridge. “Jane lies” “Jack hits” When the child admits it and asks forgiveness, the note disappears - the action is forgiven and forgotten.
• When siblings fight - simply say “fighting isn’t allowed in the house.” escort them out the door, and lock it (you stay inside). If your kids are relatively young, they’ll do anything (including forget why they were fighting) to get back inside ‘their house’ and in mom and dad’s presence - and they’ll never leave the front step.
• To get kids to clean up - whatever toys/clothes they leave on the floor go to Goodwill. And follow up.
• For an elementary age child who won’t stay in his seat (to eat dinner or do his homework) - get a long scarf and tie him to his chair. No, not overnight - just until he finishes his task. The idea isn’t bondage - it’s making it more difficult for him to bow to distractions.
• For a small child who won’t keep their rear end in their chair at dinner time, or likes to stand/bounce/jump on the furniture - anytime you see their tushie in the air give it a little pop and say ’sit on your bottom.’ In only 10 minutes I got Little Man (18 months) to stop playing on the couch and use it for what it’s meant to be - a seat. We’re on day 2 with Bean - at 3 her habit is a bit harder to break. This isn’t a spanking - it’s one of those ‘love taps’ my gramma used to give me. Hard enough to make me notice, but not enough to hurt. It’s the continuity of it (and the smile that comes with it) that gets the kids. It’s like a game - but one where they don’t want to get popped again.

Creative discipline isn’t always about time-outs or taking things away. It can be about adding things to kids’ lives that make them uncomfortable. So please, chime in with your creative discipline ideas. Only a few of these work with my young kids - but I’m really hoping I remember the others as my kids get older.

Tell me your creative discipline ideas!

Who knew kids could be so motivated by something so common? We tried special snacks. Occasional small toys as “special treats”. M&Ms. Trips to the bouncy house. Promised excursions to the beach. Positive words, hugs, high-fives, thumbs up, big celebration song and dance… But none of those things worked consistently to motivate good behavior. And none of them could subsequently be taken away as a consequence of misbehavior.

But then we found rocks. You can buy them at Wal-Mart. Or you can just comb the ground with your eyes when you’re outside. You’re bound to find a few rocks (as any toddler). Here’s how it works for us. The very first rock I gave was for specific good behavior (a trip to a restaurant with no whining). I promised that I would never take that rock away. It’s hers for good and she can keep it where ever she’d like. And she could earn more rocks for respecting mama and doing what is asked of her. The catch is, those rocks can be taken away. For instance, she gets a rock for sharing her favorite toy with her brother; but if she turns around and snatches it away from him a minute later, I’ll take that rock back. And it’s gone forever - she can never earn that particular rock back. Sure, she can find her own rocks when we’re outside, but for some reason that doesn’t detract from the excitement of a rock mama gives as a reward for good behavior. This week, we’re going to see if she’ll make her bed every day to earn a rock at the end of the week…

At 3, this works great. I’m not sure my 17-month old has the logic to put it all together, but I do reward him with rocks when he’s behaving really well. And it’s amazing how quickly he learned that a rock thrown is a rock taken away.

Great motivation for little ones! For more Works for Me tips, head over to Rocks in My Dryer.

Up to this point, we’ve only had behavioral issues with Bean. But today Monkey started something new and unexpected (Monkey was formerly referred to as Little Man, for my faithful readership, but he’s not so little anymore!). So, today, Monkey started walking up to me and slapping me. At first I didn’t react much. “No-no, Monkey. Be gentle” I’d say in a sing-song voice, while reaching out and stroking his arm as I said “gentle.” He’s 15 months old now, and after hitting me about 10 times, he walked up to stuffed animals, his dad, the couch, and all sorts of other things and hitting them in the same manner. He’s happy. He’s playing. But what happens when he does that to his sister? Or another child at Sunday School or playgroup? Now, I’m giving him my firm “no” with a stern look. It works miracles for Bean, but Monkey just laughs, comes back, and tickles my feet. He thinks I’m playing or joking! (So maybe my firm no and stern look aren’t so firm and stern?)

He’s always been happy, sociable, friendly, and always always gentle. I’m so shocked that he’s doing this! And I really thinks he believes he’s playing. How do I react to this??? Hep me! Hep me!

Okay folks. Here’s the dilemma. All the ‘experts’ agree that spanking is bad. A good number of parents say that spanking is sometimes the only way to stop a bad behavior or behavior pattern. I don’t want to use this to debate the utility or ills of spanking - it’s one of those polarizing issues that do little to foster a sense of mutual trust and encouragement.

But, I do want to ask all you parents of little ones out there (where “little ones” means toddlers and preschoolers) for creative discipline ideas. We’re all aware of time-outs, but what do you do to creatively respond to bad behavior? For example, a friend of mine won’t let her 3-yr old wear her favorite pajamas if said 3-yr old refuses to get ready for bed. I think that’s creative! So what do you do? Please tell me specifics! How do you make the punishment fit the crime, so to speak?

**In moving this post from Blogger, I lost the original (and very helpful) comments. Please don’t let that stop you from adding to the discussion.