Your maternity clothes don’t fit around the blessed girth of your belly.
You don’t remember the last time you had ankles.
Or the last time you saw your feet.
The receptionist at the doctor’s office knows your name. And medical record number.
Strangers don’t ask when you’re due – they only ask if it’s twins.
Friends routinely greet you with “You’re still pregnant?!”
You’ve moved your steering wheel back as far as it goes. And you don’t fit behind it.
You have more flip-flops than anyone should own because you have no hope of ever wearing real shoes again.
Your ring finger tan line is going away because it’s been that long since you’ve worn your wedding ring.
Your necklace is too small for your water-retaining neck.
You seriously consider hijacking a pharmaceutical truck and doping up on pitocin.
Certain personal hygiene tasks require amazing feats of acrobatics.
You lift heavy objects in hopes of hurting yourself (and being induced).
You can feel the water retained in your feet jiggle when you walk.
When your friend shares her good news that she’s pregnant you reply with “I’m so sorry to hear that.”
