Who knew kids could be so motivated by something so common? We tried special snacks. Occasional small toys as “special treats”. M&Ms. Trips to the bouncy house. Promised excursions to the beach. Positive words, hugs, high-fives, thumbs up, big celebration song and dance… But none of those things worked consistently to motivate good behavior. And none of them could subsequently be taken away as a consequence of misbehavior.

But then we found rocks. You can buy them at Wal-Mart. Or you can just comb the ground with your eyes when you’re outside. You’re bound to find a few rocks (as any toddler). Here’s how it works for us. The very first rock I gave was for specific good behavior (a trip to a restaurant with no whining). I promised that I would never take that rock away. It’s hers for good and she can keep it where ever she’d like. And she could earn more rocks for respecting mama and doing what is asked of her. The catch is, those rocks can be taken away. For instance, she gets a rock for sharing her favorite toy with her brother; but if she turns around and snatches it away from him a minute later, I’ll take that rock back. And it’s gone forever - she can never earn that particular rock back. Sure, she can find her own rocks when we’re outside, but for some reason that doesn’t detract from the excitement of a rock mama gives as a reward for good behavior. This week, we’re going to see if she’ll make her bed every day to earn a rock at the end of the week…

At 3, this works great. I’m not sure my 17-month old has the logic to put it all together, but I do reward him with rocks when he’s behaving really well. And it’s amazing how quickly he learned that a rock thrown is a rock taken away.

Great motivation for little ones! For more Works for Me tips, head over to Rocks in My Dryer.

For the last 3 weeks we’ve been teaching Bean (now 3) about respect. Mama and Tata demand respect, but certain behaviors (like whining or talking back) are disrespectful, and won’t be tolerated. For the most part it works really well. She’s gaining an understanding of what we expect of her, and being reminded where the the line is helps her correct her behavior when she forgets. But yesterday… In the car, driving around town, hubby and I were having a conversation about something - it must have been important, though I can’t remember for the life of me what it was - and the radio was on. Whichever song came on was one that Bean likes, so when it ended she asked me to play it again - as if it was a CD. But, being that mama doesn’t control what songs the radio station plays when, the answer was no, but maybe the radio will play it again later. Hubby and I continue conversation. Bean continues to ask for the song. We ignore the interruption. For the first 7 times. Then, I explain. in short. somewhat loud. toddler. terms. that mama. can’t. make. the. radio. play it AGAIN!!! Enough. The End. Her calm reply?

Mama, you’re expecting me.

I have a feeling it was meant to be “Mama, you’re disrespecting me!” But it was so funny (and only got funnier the third and fourth time she repeated it), we laughed so hard - I think there was a lesson in there about respect - but it was lost in the laughter.

Please remember to pray for a soldier this weekend. Without getting all political on you, I just have to say that we - here in the US - sleep soundly at night without fear of attack because soldiers are standing guard in countries around the world. They make enormous sacrifices - time with their family, holidays away from home, rotten pay, loss of life and limb - to protect us.

And to brag for a brief moment, check out this article to see what a great job our soldiers (my brother is mentioned in this article, but I’m not biased, really!) are doing in Afghanistan catching the top ranking leadership of the Taliban. We’ll never know the details of it, but our men and women in uniform have done a fantastic job of stopping terrorist plots in time and removing key members of terrorist organizations in Afghanistan. What they’re doing there is largely forgotten, so please take a moment this weekend and pray for them.

I was at a parenting seminar on discipline, and I promised to share some of what I learned there. I’ll write up a post soon about some of the great ideas I came away with for creative discipline, but in the meantime I’ve had this on my mind. It’s been about a week, so I’ve had some time to process it. One of the major topics was ’self esteem.’ Not so much how to build self esteem, but simply the fact that we’ve been deluded into thinking that good parenting means building self esteem in children, and worse - that self esteem is built by positive talk. Self esteem isn’t what makes a child happy and successful. It doesn’t build them into good adults and contributing citizens. Great self esteem builds egotists and people who think too highly of themselves. It gives a skewed sense of reality. What we should focus on - according to the seminar - is building Responsibility, Respect, and Resourcefulness. And that’s a very different issue.

I think one of the things that bothers me about a lot of schools today is the awards they give and the attitude that everyone is a winner. You can get trophies in some places for good attendance. Not perfect attendance, but just ‘good’ attendance. A trophy. And honestly, I don’t know that positive self esteem is a good thing. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we should teach our children to think poorly of themselves, but guiding their thought processes simply to think highly of themselves seems misguided. I think we should look to a couple of things related to self esteem - confidence and self-understanding.

Miriam-Webster defines confidence this way:

1 a : a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances b : faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way.

Too frequently we try to give our children confidence by telling them how good they are or how well they performed. I, on the other hand, have a great deal of confidence but I was raised by parents who didn’t hesitate to point out my faults, and rarely spoke very positively of me. They built confidence in me by giving me difficult, yet manageable tasks to perform. And letting me fail and then figure it out. For example, when I was 6 I wanted a milkshake from whatever fast-food joint we were in. Now, you have to understand, I was a very short 6-year old. So my mom sent me with a dollar bill up to the counter. People nearly trampled me. I wasn’t assertive. I couldn’t see over the counter. No one realized I was in line. So I stood there for ages as adults pushed their way in front of me. Finally, I stood up for myself, went up to the counter, raised my hand to get the attention of the cashier, and barely able to see her peering down at me, I ordered my shake and paid for it. That built more confidence than any words could have.

Telling your kids they’re good at everything does nothing for them, long-term. It’s more important to help them know themselves - their strengths and weaknesses. I’m not proposing that you tell your kids all their faults. But at least help them to understand who they are. For instance, is there anything wrong with pointing out to a grade-schooler that he shows great compassion, but really needs to learn how to forgive others?  Or that he learns better with his eyes than his ears (visual as opposed to auditory)? I think one of the biggest struggles as we move from childhood into adulthood is figuring out who we are. We get to college and have to pick a major - but most of us get to college with very little idea of what we excel at or what we want to do. Take the example of someone who has little compassion but wants to be a nurse. Sure, he or she could probably learn and eventually become a decent nurse. But maybe if that person understood who she is, she’d have realized that she’d be a better hospital administrator than a nurse.

Parenting isn’t about telling my kids that every painting they paint is beautiful. It’s noticing the details. It’s seeing that Bean chose only to paint one corner of the picture, and learning why.  It’s hearing that when she doesn’t want to come to the table it’s because she’s in the middle of the book, and she. can’t. stop. in. the. middle.  And getting her through that.

I don’t know what this fuzzy self-esteem thing is. But I do know that it’s a whole industry now, full of self-help books, speakers, seminars, and the same people who spend their every moment chasing after it often end up sorely disappointed. Teaching a child that she’s the best at everything she attempts is misleading. One day she’ll see reality. Isn’t it better if her parents clue her in to what the reality is, in a loving and accepting place?

I was just over at Everyday Mommy, and she’s got a great post about God’s protection.  Head over there and read the comments. It’s a deep topic. It reminded me of this book that my husband’s reading, and I can’t wait until he finishes so that I can take it and read it. He shares with me little tidbits of it now and then, and it’s truly mind-boggling. It challenges my theology. It challenges my world view.

He begins the book with a quote from an English vicar:  When asked by a colleague what he expected after death, he replied, “Well, if it comes to that, I suppose I shall enter into eternal bliss, but I really wish you wouldn’t bring up such depressing subjects.”  I think that’s how a lot of us think of it though - we’re so concerned with our contentment and happiness this side of eternity, we don’t really consider what comes next. And in the grand scheme of things, there are tons more books and sermons out there on hell than on heaven. Our view of heaven tends to be incomplete, misguided, and often purely incorrect. I wish I could quote for you some more from the book, but hubby has it at work with him now. The point is, the New Testament talks quite a bit about heaven but we don’t listen. The topic is so central to our faith, and yet most of us (myself included) don’t get it.

So as soon as hubby finishes it (and it’ll be a while - it’s a Thick Book, and the type you have to really stop and think about as you read), it’s mine next. When that does happen, I’ll be sure to update you about how it’s changing my view. Anyone out there read it? Want to share your thoughts?

I’m participating in Calapidder Days’ Spring Reading Thing, and it’s done a great job of getting me reading! (Well, that and the fact that my MOMs Club is discussing one of the books from my list this month).

I just finished reading The Memory Keeper’s Daughter last night, and I highly recommend it. It deals with delicate concerns about Downs Syndrome, guilt and redemption, how shooting photographs somehow objectifies life and separates us from what we’re trying to capture… Dreams and growing older, finding contentment, and how a parent’s mistakes visit their children. It gives you lots to think about, and weaves a great story revolving around a family and their history.

Anyhow, now I’m thinking that I just might finish all the books I set out to read - I think I have until early September to do it.

Anyone out there pregnant or trying to get pregnant? Head over to BroomHuggers and check out my most recent post there. In recent news there are some health concerns you should be aware of.

This all started when I plateaued on Weight Watchers. I hit my 10%, lost a precious few more pounds, and then nothing. For ages. I knew the problem. I wasn’t increasing my activity level. I’d increased it enough that I could keep up with my kids during the day, but that was it. And frankly, I couldn’t find a way to get in any more activity with my kids.

Until a few weeks ago. I get up early almost every day. I read the Bible and drink my coffee - because if I haven’t done both of those before the kids get up, woe to my whole family. I’m useless without my daily cup(s) of joe, and the same if I don’t get in the Word early. And then most mornings, I listen to my kids jabber on after they wake up, while I putter around the house, doing not much of anything but reveling in the quiet. So, a few weeks ago I started redeeming that time. The first thing I do now when I get up is put on my running shoes and go for a quick (meaning very short) jog. I’m out for about 20 minutes - maybe half of it I spend running and half is walking. Then I come back, sit down with a glass of water, breathe a bit. Then comes coffee and Bible. By the time I read my Bible, the blood is flowing. I’m well awake. And when I’m done - I have more energy than I knew I could ever have. I wouldn’t consider starting my morning any other way.

Granted, I hate running. And I’m awful at it. But the way I feel when I come home from a run makes it all worth while. I only run 4-5 days a week, but I’m more productive those days than I am any other time. I haven’t noticed any weight loss. In fact, I’m gaining a few pounds. But my clothes fit better. And I know that muscle weighs more than fat. So, I know that I’m toning up, losing fat and building muscle. And my clothes fit better. And I love that! For more Works for Me tips head over to Rocks in My Dryer.

because obviously I haven’t been blogging. Right? I think I’m at an all-time personal low for blogging. So here it is. What’s taken up my time?

• Helping my neighborhood gets all its ducks in a row, and writing a position statement for why we need new board members
• Baking goodies for the neighborhood party (and then throwing them away and buying Dunkin Donuts donut holes)
• Searching everywhere for name tags - who knew CVS would have them when every other store was sold out? And why the mad rush on name tags?
• Making homemade wonton appetizers for hubby’s men’s group’s social gathering with wives
• Playing Catch Phrase at the shin dig
• Attending a really awesome parenting seminar on discipline - I wanted to blog about it, but didn’t find the time… It’s coming though
• Babysitting for my friend’s kids while she gets her house ready to go on the market (when her hubby left almost a month ago to prepare the new home they’re moving to - she’s alone with 4 kids, and a house to sell too!)
• Starting my business, and blogging slightly more consistently there
• Cleaning my house (specifically, those places that don’t get cleaned very often)
• Meeting my neighbors
• Exploring Marta (public transport in Atlanta) on the way to the children’s museum of Atlanta (those two things should not have happened on the same day with 2 toddlers)
• Experimenting with hubby’s new camera. I’ll share some shots when I have some that are half decent.
• Finishing “The Memory Keeper’s Daughter” - almost.  I should finish tonight. Or tomorrow.
• Enjoying the bath salts I got for mother’s day
• Taking the kids to the park (since school is out now)
• Drugging Little Man with inordinate amounts of amoxicillin and orfloxacin for his 4th ear infection in the 7 weeks since he got tubes! What’s wrong with this picture?
• Not sleeping.
• Coughing lots and battling asthma (the smoke from the fires in south Georgia are not helpful)

I think I’m back though.